Quote #46

“If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself.”
- Albert Einstein

This quote came up in a class I am in today. I brought it up, though I was embarrassed by being unable to quote it reliably. I knew the basic idea, but the instructor was interested in the exact quote. So I went and found it, then decided to share it here too since I really do love the quote.

I have found this quote to be absolutely true and endlessly applicable in almost any situation.

For more than ten years I have interacted with and taught children in a variety of situations. There have been times that I have gone into a classroom thinking I would teach all of the children something that I thought I fully understood, only to emerge an hour later feeling frustrated and inept.

It turns out that the level of understanding required to explain things to six-year-olds is much more in-depth than one might initially assume. We might claim to understand a principle, but until we try really explaining it to someone of a lower understanding than our own, we can’t truly claim to fully understand.

Ever since discovering this principle for myself in practice, I have become much more secure in discerning between things that I understand and things that I do not understand. You can know something without fully understanding it – and that’s OK. Just make sure that you know the difference between knowing and understanding, because it can really get frustrating to realize that you didn’t understand something as well as though thought you did; especially when communicating the idea and finding that you just aren’t getting your point across.

Quote #39

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
- Robert Benchley

Good night.

Quote #34

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”
- Sir Francis Bacon

We watched a Netflix movie tonight.

My wife loaded the disc into the player, and right away, the RIAA reminded me of why I am annoyed by them so much.

A dominant, colorful, annoying anti-pirating screen was displayed for way longer than necessary in the beginning, then a ton of previews for other movies played automatically. I wasn’t timing it, but I’d say it took more than ten minutes to get through them.

I think I’m a lot like many other movie watchers – I enjoy the occasional movie preview, therefore I rarely skip to the main menu unless I’m in a hurry. So I decided to watch the previews. When we finally made it to the menu I realized that I had been duped. They had known that I would be willing to sit through a few, so they fed me way more than I bargained for. Alright fine. You win this one, right? I mean, I could have skipped to the main menu.

The menu only had two options – play movie and scene selection. We watched the movie, then at the end I pulled the disc out to package it and mail it back out.

I couldn’t help but notice that the disc was labeled as a “Rental” disc. So this thing was intended as a rental. That explains the extra long movie preview marathon at the beginning, the simplistic, featureless menu, and the glaring anti-piracy warning.

Man. Those guys are so paranoid. They’ve got to take a chill pill. They realize that their business model is irrelevant and they are grasping at straws trying to find ways to force us to support their dying business.

The solution to their problem isn’t going to fall into their laps. The opportunity to continue making money with their business model isn’t going to come knocking on their door. They are going to have to make an opportunity.

There are many proposed solutions out there, but these guys just aren’t interested in changing. They are foolishly sitting around trying to jam 1″ cubes through 1″ diameter circular holes. It’s not going to happen guys.

Anyhow, those are my thoughts on this quote tonight. You can’t sit on your bum and wait for opportunities. You must get out there and make opportunities. You’ve got to take charge and find your place in the world, because it’s not going to happen on its own.

Quote #25

“Never fight an inanimate object.”
- J. O’Rourke

This quote has unexpected meaning for me today.

Sure, at first glance it’s just funny. I picture a guy fighting a couch, or a rock, or maybe a tree. His knuckles are bloody, the inanimate object isn’t sustaining any noticeable damage, and the guy just looks silly. His rage, his folly, and the futility of his actions are all standing out strong.

Today my mind was flooded with chaos when two work related training opportunities hit at the same time. They don’t conflict with each other, but they are both mandatory, and they will turn my life upside down. Lots of complications, both with work and with my family life, began tearing through my brain. It was like a couple of furious tornadoes ripping through the middle of New York City. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t make sense of anything.

I guess they call this panic.

The thing is, I don’t generally experience panic in this way. Events don’t set my panic mode off. Situations do, but not by surprise. For example, I know I will panic if someone draws a syringe from their pocket and attempts to jab me with it. I experience irrational fear in the presence of needles. That definitely causes panic. To a lesser degree, I know I will panic in a crowded place if I become stressed. Stress doesn’t make me panic, but stress on top of over-stimulation (such as being around too many people) will generally make me panic a little.

It’s a rare thing to see me panic, even just in my head, in the face of unexpected situations. I am familiar with my limits, and with what makes me panic. But today, in a situation that would normally only cause a fit of frustration, I panicked.

Thankfully, I was able to calm myself down and work my way through the problems. I made a phone call, wrote an email, spoke with my boss, and soon had pretty much set everything up to handle the two training events.

Thinking back on it, my panic mode could have led to me attempting to fight against what had happened. Perhaps part of what had jammed up my logic was that I knew there were forces involved that I couldn’t influence, and yet I couldn’t stop my mind from frantically exploring every possible avenue in search of a solution. Those are forbidden paths, I told myself. You can’t seek solutions there! And yet, the raging storm had already begun, and I just had to wait for the power to die down.

It may have been a unique experience for me, but I have seen it happen before in others. People tend to have these sorts of irrational confrontations with problems from time to time. I think it’s natural.

Being as stressed as I was this morning (the two training events obviously weren’t the only things on my plate at the time), I don’t know what I could have done to prevent that little panic attack, but I do know what prevents the more common, but less intense panic attacks I see in others. It is important to identify the inanimate objects in a problem.

You must choose your battles. You cannot fight against just any element of a problem. Where are the stones? Where are the trees? If you’re trying to solve a problem, but you’re not getting anything but bloody knuckles, perhaps you’re just fighting an inanimate object. The objects you need to fight are almost always contained within yourself.

You should first look inside of yourself and see what you can attack inside of you that might fix the problem. Have you acted immaturely? Have you been selfish? Have you been negligent? Have you made a mistake? Fix it first, then reevaluate. Continue the process until the only things left that could possibly be keeping the problem alive are outside of you. Then look closely at things that reside in your circle of influence. Is there anything that you definitely have some degree of control over that could be changed to fix the problem?

Finally, as a last resort, if nothing in your circle of influence can solve the problem, you begin looking for the right targets on the outside. You find the responsible individual. You find the right tactic. You plan ahead. You strategize. This is where one of my favorite books comes into play. The Art of War taught me a lot about fighting to win.

But in the beginning, ensure that you are not about to engage in battle with an inanimate object. That would just be silly.

Quote #21

“Men who know the same things are not long the best company for each other.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many people are afraid of things or people that are different. People can be very intolerant of things they don’t understand or aren’t comfortable with.

Differences are the spice of life. If everything I said and did was exactly like what you know and also do, then you wouldn’t find me worth your time – you spend all of your time around someone who is almost exactly the same.

This idea translates into so many other things in life. People who have the same interests can only talk about those interests for so long. They may feel very comfortable together for a while, but they will not long be the best company for each other.

Similarly, things that we find abhorrent in ourselves, when they appear in others, become even more of a nuisance. The similarities between people may bring them together at first, but they are not the glue that binds us, they are not the spice that flavors our relationships.

I am fascinated by people, and especially people who are different from me. The more different they are, the more interesting I find them.

I find that there are many friendships and relationships in my life that began with a shared interest or two and solidified with the discovery of new and interesting things about the other person. There have also been some relationships that began with so many things in common that it was hard to believe we were two separate people. The fact of the matter is, unless there are differences, relationships of the second type usually go stale much faster than relationships of the first type.

I have made my friends from among the most different people I have found. Different from each other, and different from me. That is why I think we have been such good friends, and that is why I feel that my life is as interesting as it is.

I hope I never meet someone too much like myself, and if I do, please don’t make me spend too much time around him. I’ll get bored.

Quote #18

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.”
- Dame Edna Everage

Some of my favorite wisdom comes from quotes by comedians. Something about understanding the science of humor must make comedians unusually wise. They just seem to really “get” what it means to be alive.

Obviously this is not a universally applicable rule, but I particularly love when comedians make wisdom funny. I suppose my favorite way to deal with life is to make light of it. Sure, there are some things that should be taken seriously, but everything else should be taken as lightly as possible.

It always bothers me when people react to jokes with law suits, violence or threats.

One of my favorite Internet humorists is David Thorne. He often pokes fun at people, sometimes pushing the joke past “the line” with certain individuals. I believe the problem these people have is that they take themselves too seriously.

The existence of these people is a thorn in the side of anyone wishing to make humor in a way that could be considered even remotely offensive. I, myself, have recently come up against this problem while attempting to promote my own work of humorous fiction. I have to keep reminding myself that not everyone will be able to take the jokes for “jokes.”

I think that, most of the time, when people can’t take a joke it is because they are taking it personally. This means that somewhere inside of them they identify with the joke in a way that personalizes it. Even if the joke wasn’t directed at them personally, they take it personally and choose to become offended. That’s when I would say that they are taking themselves too seriously. They should not be afraid to laugh at those things that they identify personally with. By laughing they can participate in the benefits of humor. They can stay happy. By choosing to become offended, not only do they miss the opportunity to feel good, they take an opportunity to become bitter and sometimes even hateful.

I, for one, love making light of as much of life as possible. I believe that even God has a sense of humor. It can make hard times bearable, it can make the sun shine on a cloudy day, and it can make good memories out of any situation. Who would want to trade all of that for living constantly at odds with the world? And, when I’m trying to make someone’s day with a touch of humor, why should I have to live in fear that he’ll take himself too seriously?

This particular instance with my friend Autumn (yes, she’s female) could have turned out ugly:

Lucky for me, most of my friends don’t take themselves too seriously. Now if only that attitude were a little more universal.

Quote #14

“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
- Abraham Lincoln

 

The idea of tact came up in a class the other day when we were talking about dealing with customers on the phone. I consider myself to be fairly tactful, and in class I remembered this quote by Abraham Lincoln. It got me thinking.  ”Is this what tact is?  Is it really this simple?”

Think of the most difficult, tense situation you have ever found yourself in with a customer or any individual you had to work with. What made the situation tense? What did it take (or would it have taken) to settle the situation peacefully? Have you ever met a person you considered tactful? What made them tactful? How about a person who had absolutely no tact? I’ll bet they were pretty selfish and self-centered.

Children have no tact. They are wonderful, can be very sweet, and even considerate, but they have no tact because they are incapable of knowing how you see yourself. They cannot put themselves in your shoes.

Most of the time, when I am being tactful, I believe that my tact comes from my ability to know how others see and perceive their world. People become offended quickly when you ignore them or show little regard for their feelings. If you can show them that you understand their position they will be more willing to listen, more willing to work with you and more friendly toward you.

Even better, if you can appeal to what they like about themselves and avoid topics that touch on things they don’t like about themselves, you will evade many communication mishaps. The golden rule applies: if you treat others the way they want to be treated, you will be more effective working with them and communicating with them than if you ignore their point of view. The trick is learning to see others the way they see themselves. That is a topic for another day.

Quote #9

“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
- Albert Camus

As simple and straight forward as this may seem, it actually has a profound meaning for me.

I try to avoid claiming to know too much about any one thing, but when it comes to relationships, especially of the human variety, I do feel a tad more qualified than most to offer insights and ideas that may be of benefit to any human who interacts with another human on a regular basis.

I feel that this quote speaks very clearly for itself, and I do not wish to taint it with my ramblings attempting to break it down for you if you don’t get it. This is why I am going to illustrate what this quote means to me with a personal antecdote and leave it at that.

For two years I lived in a unique situation. I resided in several places with anywhere from one to three roommates at one time (all of which rotated in and out with some frequency), with one or two of those as assigned work companions. These companions were rotated on a regular basis, each one staying with me for a period of anywhere from a few weeks to several months.

Over the course of those two years I had no fewer than two dozen such companions, and probably almost four dozen roommates in all. As a man, I find that women make the best living companions, but all of these roommates and companions were young men like me.

I do not get along very well with other men, I don’t relate to them on any practical level. From early on in that two year period it was obvious that the living conditions would either equate to a recipe for certain disaster, or offer a tremendous opportunity for personal growth.

Our daily activities required frequent travels over moderate distances, and most of our traveling was carried out on foot. Thus, every morning for two years I left an apartment on foot and walked around all day with a companion (a male companion, nonetheless), someone I had to stay within a few yards of at all time.

Did I mention that I was living in Mexico for those two years? Would it make a difference if you knew that nearly all of my companions were native Mexicans and I knew almost no Spanish? For the first few months I walked in silence with my companions and had plenty of time to contemplate the non-verbal communications that passed between us, both intentionally and unintentionally.

One of the first things I noticed was the relationship between how well we got along and how we walked together. My very first companion walked next to me most of the time, but if I began to walk slower than he wanted me to he would not adjust his speed. Some times I would trail several yards behind and he wouldn’t even look back to see if I was there. My next companion never walked beside me at all, but instead insisted on walking in front of me, as did my third companion. Later I had a companion who was timid and would not walk beside me. He chose to walk behind me and let me lead the way.

While, to him, it may have appeared that I was leading the way, his choice of where to walk actually had a drastic impact on our companionship. In fact, the walking arrangement between two people both affects and is affected by their relationship. It may all seem trivial to you, but consider the following:

In my first companionship we walked next to each other, side by side, as long as I was walking up to speed. You could say, as long as I was meeting my companion’s expectations he awarded me with a coequal walking arrangement, as though his presence were a gift to me. As soon as I was too slow for his taste, he passively pulled away from me in an attempt to make me feel as though our separation (the retraction of his great blessing to me) were my fault for not walking as fast as he wanted me to. Of course it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t change speed.

Certainly he had a good heart, and none of the above was actually going through his head as we walked. He merely demonstrated these attitudes in his actions (or inaction), and the message was as clear to me as it would have been to anyone observing. Not only did it reflect his actual attitude and role (though inexperienced himself, he was supposed to be training me) in our relationship, but it had a deep impact on it as well, causing me to withdraw and speak to him only when absolutely necessary. How was I supposed to speak to him with that physical and symbolic distance between us that he was so carefully using to “teach” me?

When my companions simply walked ahead of me, refusing to allow me to keep up with them, we experienced problems. These companions looked down on me and saw me as a nuisance and a bother, and this was reflected and reinforced by the walking arrangements.

In my companions who purposefully walked behind me, despite my best efforts to walk next to them, I noticed a lack of confidence and our work efforts were less effective.

My most effective and positive companionships were all marked with a side by side walking configuration. This is not simply a coincidence, it is a rule. Not walking side-by-side can be a symptom of bad feelings in a relationship, or it can cause them. Like I said before, the way a person walks with another person can both reflect and affect the state of the relationship between the two.

So, while the quote is symbolic in nature (the symbology of which I will not discuss) there is a very real, literal meaning here that is deeply engraved in my heart. If you ever chance to walk with me in person, please remember the wise words of Albert Camus, “Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

Quote #7

“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
- John Adams

 

If one of the founding fathers, and the second president of the United States can make fun of politicians and government institutions like this, then that tells you just how right quote #6 was.  In fact, this very topic came up toward the end of that post when I started talking about politicians rather than the government as a whole (this is the follow-up quote I promised).

I love how Mr. Adams addresses the uselessness of three groups of people at once in this quote.  The first group, the idlers, are useless and shameful in and of themselves.  They are a benefit to nobody and are a burden to society.  The next group, lawyers, well…  What can I say?  They are as political in thought and heart as any politician (many politicians and presidents were once lawyers).  Finally, three or more useless men are a congress.  If, in John Adam’s eyes, the whole of congress was filled with useless politicians in his day, I suppose we haven’t improved much on the system our founding fathers laid down for us.

I would never want to sit in on a session of congress.  I just know I would get annoyed.  I’ve dealt with useless men individually, and I’ve dealt with law firms, but I have been lucky enough to stay away from congress thus far and I intend to keep it that way.

Quote #3

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”
- Erica Jong

 

This has been a common theme for me over the last decade or so.  At one time I asked for a lot of advice.  I used to ask for advice about almost everything.  I did, that is, until I realized one day that I didn’t need to hear any of the advice I was asking for.  I already knew what I had to do, but I didn’t want to do it.

Over the years I developed and grew, feeding off the rich wisdom of my parents.  Several years ago people began asking me for advice on occasion (for no apparent reason) and I actually knew what to tell them.  I quickly came to the realization again that advice is rarely sought in the actual absence of knowing what to do.

These days, when pressed for advice, I keep in mind that the person asking usually knows exactly what she has to do but doesn’t want to do it without getting moral support and hearing what she already knows coming from me as her friend.  Some times we just don’t want to do the right thing alone, we need to hear that someone else is encouraging us to do the right thing as well.  In reality, we should be able to do what we know to be right without hearing it from someone else.

I suppose, in some abstract way, we are hoping that by asking for advice we can bring our friend with us on the same emotional journey through which we are passing.  They hear about our plight, they consider the situation and come up with the solution with us, so it’s like we’re not alone.

It’s funny because we humans usually have a hard time holding back that we know the answer to a complex problem.  We are proud of our wisdom and knowledge, so we usually jump at the opportunity to share when we know the answer.  When it comes to our own problems though, we suddenly become experts at feigning ignorance.

As the advice giver, I now apply this principle when dealing with a friend asking for advice.  I withold that I know an answer until after I have extracted from him that he knows what he needs to do.  My advice, then, becomes encouragement to do what he knows he needs to do.  I refuse to tell someone something they came to me knowing.

Quote #2

“When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.”
- George Bernard Shaw

I wanted to get this one done early and “stick” it to the front page of this blog because it is going to be a common theme in this project.  Many of the most beloved quotes in history are humorous in nature.  I love getting a little chuckle out of a quote, and it’s nice when the wisdom behind the humor is obvious.  Many times, though, the wisdom may not be so obvious.

One of the missions behind this little project is for me to discover the hidden wisdom or truth behind every quote, funny or not.  Of course, many times my interpretation of the truth will be highly personal, but that’s why I want your comments too.

I encourage any visitor to this site who finds a quote they like to share a brief comment on the quote.  In this way we will all find the truth and wisdom behind the quotes we love.